Messenger angels

I must give it to them. Their unyielding optimism, dedication and experiments with human psychology. They have been going full steam despite all the wars that have been waged against them. They have been trying for ages to cure all the miseries of human race but still are faced with tremendous resistance from their fellow human beings. I pity them.

I am talking about none other than the spammers who so often try to give you one last chance through your mailbox, blog, phone, whatever.

First of all, I commend them on their altruistic nature. I keep hearing from the Nigerian guy whose rich relative died and how he can help me make some quick money. I really appreciate his willingness to share wealth with some stranger. You would appreciate it more when you realise that he and I can not even pronounce each others names. I wonder what it would take me to offer half of my fortune to some Eskimo guy.

Then there are some of them who tell me how to meet your dream partner. They tell me all about dating/matrimony sites. I think they know life can be easier when you have a soul mate. They just want to make sure I don't suffer due to my ignorance. But then, what if you are happily married with your soul mate (like I am)? No problems, just click that small link at the bottom of the mail and they wont send you dating mails ever again. May be divorce lawyer links but no more dating links. I guess that's fair.

Now tell me what causes global wars? Rage of course. And studies have shown that sex helps people calm down. So more sex means more peace. This is the operating mantra of all those spammers who can provide various contraptions, snake-oil lotions and other mystery medicines that help you grow relevant body parts and have more carnal pleasure. What a noble thought I would say. Do you think they send mail indiscriminately? They don't. They always send me the stuff that is relevant to a male homo sapien so I can assure you that they took troubles to find out my gender. Yes, there is a 50% statistical chance that they can be accurate no matter what, but that's a different story altogether.

The next biggest thing that's troubling humanity is poverty. There is a simple solutions spammers found for that. Make everyone buy stocks that are sure to sky-rocket. That's the reason they send me so much info about buying penny stock. If you just listen to them, everyone can be a millionaire. See, everyone in Zimbabwe is now so rich that they use currency notes instead of toilet tissue. If a mere inflation rate of 1000+% can make people so rich, picking good stock early can beat it any day. Its a different matter that I could not buy any stocks because 1. I did not have enough money 2. the mails actually contained gibberish. May be if I was smart enough to understand that gibberish, I could pick good stock myself. But its the intention that counts.

Overall, I feel very bad that the human race overall misinterprets the true intention of a spammer. What more, companies like Google are devicing programs that claim to stop spammers for ever. Talk about shooting the messenger dove.

I almost thought I will take that 'word verification' thingy from my comments but I know all you guys who don't appreciate spam will spam me.